JACK KEVORKIAN DEAD AT AGE 83

Mayer Morganroth, a friend of the infamous Jack Kevorkian, has announced that Dr. Kevorkian has died of pneumonia and kidney problems at a Detroit-area hospital. He was 83 years old.

Kevorkian was released from a Michigan prison in 2007 after serving eight years for second-degree murder. He claims to have assisted in at least 130 suicides.

Now he is answering to the ultimate judge.

CLASSY GUYS, VERY CLASSY!

Once again displaying the class and charm that endeared him to his constituents in the 70s, Jerry Brown and one of his campaign aides were overheard on a voicemail calling his opponent, Meg Whitman, a whore!

The howling from the NOW crowd is strangely absent! Double standard you unattractive bunch of hairy legged harpies?

JESSE JAMES - TOXIC PHONY!

Heavily tattooed motorcycle customizer (or whateverinhell it is he does for a living) is going to be on Dateline tonight making his first TV appearance after the scandal of his multiple affairs with various skanky women while he was still married to the lovely and talented Sandra Bullock! These women all are claiming that they either didn't know he was married (I find that of very questionable veracity) or he had convinced them that he and his wife were no longer together! Talk about willful self-delusion on the part of these heavily tattooed and generally trashy, cheap sluts!

The best thing any of us can do vis-a-vis this utter waste of human skin is to ignore the show and not watch it. But human appetite for scandal being what it is - no doubt we will!

Me? I'll watch the finale of Dancing with the Stars, hoping and expecting my lad Evan Lysacek to take home that tacky, tacky mirror ball trophy and then quickly into bed for a good night's sleep!