PRIMETIME EMMY FASHION

Okay, Rule #1 - if you are flat chested, don't wear a neckline that plunges down to your waist! It looks stupid and only emphasizes how you were cheated by the boob fairy! Nobody wants to see your bony poitrine!

If you are attending the Emmys, get your damned roots done!

People are criticizing Katie Holmes for her beautiful blue gown saying it was "too casual". That is an asinine critique. What I would call her look is "classic". And simplicity is the highest form of elegance. Unlike others in attendance, she wasn't tricked out like some kind of circus pony.

Gwyneth Paltrow - you are too old to be baring your midriff! And take a curling iron to that limp, style-free hair of yours! Make an effort at least! Kudos, however, for having your roots in good shape!

To all teenagers: Take a lesson from Kelly Osbourne who has been very clear that she regrets the tattoos on her forearms. Consider your future life and what a potential employer will think of you. Don't get your tattoos in places that are impossible to conceal. Tattoos make a person look cheap and dirty. And removing tattoos is a difficult, lengthy and painful process. For the most part, people looked good although what in the hell was Heidi Klum thinking and did Seal take a shower before hitting the red carpet?